In past years January 1st has been sort of inspirational for me. I've spent the day in contemplation and setting intentions for the next year. Not so this year. A major depression has set in and several things come to mind as reasons. First of all I'm having a birthday in a week and I'm not at all happy about the age I'm turning. Second, my book will be printed very soon and then put up on Amazon--this is a good thing but the work I need to put in for marketing makes me want to crawl into a hole somewhere. I have the book, Aiming at Amazon but every time I open it I want to scream. My website designer seems to have fallen off the face of the earth and I'm realizing that she will not be helping me with things like sending out press releases and the myriad tasks that I'm not even aware of. Should or shouldn't I have a launch party? Who would I invite if I have one? Where should it be? Do I need to design postcards to mail out? What about bookmarks? How do I create a buzz about the book so that people want to buy it?
With my stubborn and unrelenting Capricorn nature I've worked long and hard to get this book polished and ready to go into the world but now my energy seems to be completely gone. I ask those I know who have self-published for lists of what they did and they kindly tell me and then I stare at the words with a sinking sensation. Where has my energy gone? Will it come back? What if it doesn't? I'm considering consulting a psychic. It's either that or a trip to a psychiatrist. But I don't want to see a psychiatrist...
The social media marketing thing makes me feel like crying. I'm not cut out for this. I can hear the whine in my voice even though I'm typing--don't be a baby, a voice says. I have to stop feeling sorry for myself--that's the first step. Maybe I just need to lay low until the book is truly done--spend my days working on other writing and put The Moonstone on the back burner.
Right now all I can think about is red wine.