These days I'm dealing with the frustrations that come with moving--not only the challenges of high estimates from moving companies but also the decisions about what to take, what to sell, and what to pawn off on family. But on top of this there has been a backlash of negative energy and lack of support from family who live thousands of miles away! Even my brother in Florida was less than enthusiastic. With the exception of my daughter, the family who live here have been circumspect in their comments. And the past day or so, even my daughter is coming around--(I attribute this to a new relationship she's started, but hey, whatever works!) I certainly understand feeling sad. I've made a lot of good friend here and I'm close to my family so it's a wrench for me as well.
I lie in bed at night processing the things people are saying, and trying to sort out what is going on with them...first it's the guilt trip about leaving people behind who to my way of thinking are old enough to take care of themselves--(and oddly this isn't coming from the ones who are being left behind) Then comes the list of venomous creatures in Arizona that, apparently, are just waiting for our arrival. According to them the place is crawling with scorpions, black widows and rattlesnakes. What about the 14 species of hummingbirds, the sandhill crane festival in Wilcox, all the other unusual bird species that reside in the Sonoran desert? And what about the magnificent Saguaros? What about embracing something new? or am I too old to do that...
This astrological time we're in now is similar to the 60's when everything got turned on its ear. I'm as surprised as everyone else that I'm leaving the place I've lived for fifteen years--leaving several family members and two grandchildren. Even writing this brings up a sliver of guilt. In the past I've loved visiting Arizona and New Mexico but didn't like the brightness and my skin didn't like the dry. I've gone on about how the wet climate up here keeps the wrinkles at bay. But on this visit my skin was fine, the sun was pure pleasure...the Catalina mountains took my attention, turning me inward to a place of silence. And those ochre mountains remain in my mind, cloud shadows racing across their peaks, their ancient crags full of magic. My husband has assured me that he will go without me if necessary! He has a sparkle in his eye as he says this and I see his younger self appear over the edge of the deep rut he's been in for several years.
The truth of it is we will be back up here for at least two months in the summer--the heat down there becomes intolerable during July and August, or so we've been told. Our RV will serve as our second home. I've already made tentative arrangements to fly my daughter and grandchildren out during the Christmas holiday...And so I ask--why is change so hard for people? I have my own answers but I would love to hear yours.