Reviews and critiques

Have you ever had a family member criticize your work? It is discouraging, depressing and in my mind, uncalled for. Unless they are an expert in whatever it is you're doing, they have no right to critique or judge. Why can't they just say it isn't their cup of tea?

If this has happened to you it's sometimes hard to get over it, especially if the person is someone you respect who you hoped respected you. Just remember NOT to ask what they thought of it. My problem was just that--I asked. And when I found that they didn't like it I asked why. Bad idea. Little did I know what this would lead to. First it was the 'I'll have to read again to be able to tell you', to which I replied--"if you didn't like it the first time I don't want you to have to read it again!" But they did anyway. And then we had to go through the entire thing over again a few weeks later, but this time it was even more hurtful because the person detailed what was wrong. Of course I had to defend myself, say how it had gotten an award, how many good reviews--blah blah blah...and going on to explain why I wrote it the way I did. Even now as I sit here I want to defend the book!

If the person is a writer, or an art critic, or an expert in your field, he or she has a right to say whatever they want to say--but art and literature are subjective, and what one person hates another person loves. Judgement is never good. And if it is done in a condescending way--"I was just trying to help you become a better writer" it's even worse. It can break up a perfectly good relationship--because what we do reflects on us. Especially in the art world where we are putting our very souls out for others to view. I will take a stranger's one star review over a family member's critique any day!

Keep on writing and don't let the bastards get you down! (and don't ask if they liked it or not) Everyone can be a critic but not everyone can write and publish a book.

Letting go, a follow up

I've been struggling recently with people who do not think like I do--this isn't a problem---until it is. Trying to figure out motivations, reasons for certain behaviors, and what to do about it all, becomes impossible if you're thinking processes are completely different. For instance, I'm okay if a reader doesn't like my book, but I am not okay if they can't say why. I always know why I like or do not like a book! Same goes for people, but where we get caught is in expectations of closeness. (expectations that everyone will love our writing) We are all so very different. It is a miracle that we get along with anyone! But thank goodness there are those with whom we just click. We may not be at all alike but there is a common thread or an understanding between us that surmounts anything else. Dare I call this love? Maybe. Or if not love then some sort of psychic connection--perhaps a past life?  And the most interesting thing about this is--most of the people this happens with are not family. We've been taught since childhood that family is where it's at--family is who we can always count on--family supports us. But family can hurt us more than anyone else because of these unrealistic expectations. We put up with things we'd never put up with from a friend! Just because we are in the same gene pool doesn't mean we can understand one another, agree with one another, or be close--and yet we try and try and try...until that day when we say to ourselves: JUST LET GO.

Letting go. It is a good thing in so many ways. We give up on trying to change people to suit ourselves, we give up on getting along, we decide that their opinions or behaviors will no longer sway us, make us feel bad or keep us from following our path. In other words we go our own way and let them go theirs. Simple and easy. If only it were! It seems that this process takes a lifetime...

Thanks for reading...