exorcising demons and other obstacles to writing

Publishing a book always leaves me fretting and feeling as though I'm going through postpartum depression. Sometimes it lasts only a few days, other times it takes weeks to get back to normal. On this latest one I've gone through psychic ups and downs like never before. Maybe because it's been so long in coming, or maybe it's because it isn't like my other books. For whatever reason it's been keeping me up nights.

Trusting myself and my process is hard. I suffer great angst despite my bravado in sending out enthusiastic e-mails promoting myself and touting my books. I tend to call myself names and beat myself up over whatever comes to mind, things I would never say to another person. These bouts of self hate are not helpful. Some people swear by critique groups. I've tried them in the past and found myself agonizing over tiny details and losing my ability to stay true to my own voice. I know they work for others, but not for me. I write in isolation because that's what works best. I share my work with a few trusted friends to let me know if I'm veering off course. I love writing and don't want to quit, but early this morning I considered it. Only because of DOUBT. Doubt is a killer and can come from the most innocuous comments or even from silence. Doubt has to be driven out. We as writers all have our own process, our own way of doing things. Writers are NOT created equal and just as certain foods agree with some and not others, how we go about writing is individual.

My suggestion is to hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself--who are supportive of you and what you do. When it comes to writing they are hard to find, so if and when you do find one, hang on tight! The entire process reminds me of dealing with my ex-husband. Yes, I should be over feeling nervous around him, but...in reality I'm still nervous, so why should I place myself in that kind of situation?  Reality bites.

I know--major ego problems, right? Do you have any idea how hard it is to expose yourself to the world? My book is like a piece of me that I am laying bare for the world to see. What if they don't like it? And of course, many don't. So feeling angst ridden and insecure is par for the course as far as I can tell--anyone who doesn't feel this way is either lying or they are writing stuff that means nothing to them.

Perfectionism kills creativity, is my motto. The more you strive to be perfect the more balled up in knots you become. Better to let it rip and fix it later. And what is this about putting a manuscript away for a year before publishing? Steven King, are you listening? I'm too old for this--I don't have the time to mess about! Isn't that what beta readers are for? And so in closing I say to all you aspiring and accomplished writers--keep on writing!!!

Next time: why money isn't important.

Last book of Gypsy is done!

I uploaded Gypsy's Secret to Kindle and Createspace this morning thanks to my intrepid formatter, Rik Hall, and equally wonderful cover designer, Viola Estrella! I'm very excited to have this final book of the Gypsy series on its way...and before Christmas!

I plan to offer a couple of .99 days for this book and maybe even one free day. If you like fantasy, time-travel, dragons, a fight between good and evil or a good love story you'll love this one!

Another update on IngramSpark. 'Just Another Desert Sunset' is supposedly published with them but I still order copies from createspace. Why this is, mystifies me. I spent $60 for promotion but have no idea what they did. I get invoices from time to time that make no sense. I also get lots of promotion material to sell in Poland and stuff like that, but when I try to follow up I can't get onto their site. I may just be an idiot but I still think their interface is really poor.

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, until something changes we as Indies are stuck with lousy distribution. What bothers me even more than that are the bookstores that do consignment but never even bother to turn the covers to face out so that a person can find them! My goal before Christmas is to drive around and speak with the places that carry my books and try to do some kind of Christmas promotion. What I have planned and have implemented in one store already is to tie a ribbon around the series and offer them at a discount. At least a bright ribbon might draw some attention--the spines along with a million other books just doesn't do the trick!

I have a few more places here in Tucson that I hope will carry my books but I just need to get in the car and go there! I've been so consumed with editing, formatting and uploading that I've neglected this part of the business--and yes, it is definitely a business.

For those of you on my newsletter list you'll be getting an update in the next few days--and if anyone would like to be included in this list, sign up on my blog or send me an e-mail. There will be opportunities for discounts and deals there!

Thank you for reading!!

IngramSpark*&%$#@

I've written about this issue before but this time I have direct experience to recount. And before we get started I just have to say that I haven't given up...

I decided after several conversations with people who tried to order my books from bookstores (independent) and couldn't get them, that I should at least republish my newer titles on Ingram. Their platform is directly connected with expanded distribution and allows the author to opt for the proper discount and returnability. This in turn enables bookstores to order. As it stands now my books don't even come up when the bookstores search for them! Yes, Createspace says it has expanded distribution but what they don't say is that they don't give the industry discount nor do they give the right to return a book. My e-books will still be published through amazon kindle.

I didn't think this process would be too difficult to get through--after all, my books are already published. How bad could it be? I already understood that I would need to pay the $49 set-up fee. When I called the first time and spoke to a very nice man he told me that my most recent book, Just Another Desert Sunset wouldn't need to be put through the process since it had an isbn that I purchased separate from Createspace. All I needed to do was give him the isbn, go into my account on Createspace and uncheck the expanded distribution for this title. Easy-peasy. While I was on the phone he drafted an email (I assume) to ask that they release my book. I did as he asked but so far nothing has happened and it's been over a week.

Now to get to my other two titles. I input all the information, uploaded my finalized, formatted pdf that I used for Createspace as well as the final cover art, back and front and spine. I paid the fees. When I finished all that a message came up that the files had a problem--but no worries we can fix it for another $10! Yay! Unfortunately that was not to be. Now, they said, I needed to hire a designer. And that is where we are.

I will call them tomorrow and see if I can get this straightened out and in the meantime I sent off an email to my formatter. Do we need to reformat for Ingram? and in that case do I need different cover files? If it requires more money I simply can't afford it! (couldn't afford what I've done already) And why was I told that my first title could be done without all this? It would certainly have all the same design flaws for their publishing platform--the only difference is that the isbn didn't need to be changed.

I have no idea if this hassle is even worth it. Although the interface is easier than it used to be, trying to deal with it is frustrating to say the least. They seem to have an attitude that screams 'you fool! why can't you figure this out?' I think it's a recent reaction to complaints that has encouraged them to offer a phone number but it's nothing like talking to a person at Createspace.

Why am I doing this, you ask? At this point I really don't know. What started it was what I mentioned at the beginning. I seem to sell more paperbacks than e-books and thought it would be nice for people to have the chance to order them.

Have any of you dealt with this? If so do you have any insights or words of wisdom? Maybe it would be: stop banging your head against the wall.

Love to hear your experiences or comments. Thank you for reading!

despondency and disillusionment

Writing is a lonely endeavor. What I said in my last post is true--we cannot control or know how our writing will be perceived or even if anyone will read our books. This can be very disturbing depending on our mental state at the time and can stop us in our tracks.

If we are constantly checking on our ratings, our reviews, how many books have been purchased or downloaded, we forget why we're writing in the first place. Facebook and Twitter can pull us into it as other authors tweet their 5 star reviews or talk about their successes. I don't begrudge them their success but if I begin to compare myself I can get into a seriously bad mood.

In my yoga class on Sunday the teacher talked about expectations and how they can take us out of the moment and drive us nearly mad. The only thing in our lives we really have control over is our thoughts and our speech, which includes writing. If we think we should sell 20 books on Sunday and we sell none our spirits go down, especially if we've taken steps to make this happen. Why didn't it do better? What's wrong with it? Why doesn't anyone like my writing?? Thinking positive thoughts is not the same as expectations. We set our books free and then visualize someone picking them up and enjoying them--an entirely different approach. Being attached to the outcome is the problem.

On the way home from that yoga class I began to think of my books as children who have grown up and gone out on their own. As a mother I want to remove any obstacles that might get in their way but ultimately they have their own karma now.

Of course that doesn't mean we ignore them. Just as we pay attention to our children, we have to look out for our books. We have to tell people about them as best we can without spending hours each day promoting or boring the heck out of our friends. Each author has to find his or her own tribe. And sometimes this takes a while.

I recently listed one of my books on Story Cartel, a site that brings readers and authors together. The main gist of it is to get people to pay Story Cartel to list his or her books for free in return for an honest review. And the cost is not insignificant. Are reviews really that important? Now that I've uploaded my book and paid them I'll have to wait and see.

All of us experience disillusionment from time to time. The trick is to pull out of it before it takes over. When my husband responded to my complaining by saying, "Well, you could just write and not publish",  I looked at him aghast. "No way!" I write because I love to write but I also write because I want my writing to be out in the world. And that psychological piece of it is a subject for another blog.

Thanks for reading and I would love to hear your comments on the subject.

a reprint of my newsletter...

For those who are not on my e-mail list, here's a copy of my latest newsletter!

Nikki's Newsletter

Dear wonderful Friends, and family, 

Believe it or not, I've completed Book #2 in the Gypsy series, 'Gypsy's Return'! The second book of this time-traveling/romance took only four months to write, a record for me. 91,700 words later, I have now sent it off for editing and then will begin the lengthy process of preparing it for publication. I expect it to be up on Amazon by the end of July or early August. For any of you who read Gypsy's Quest, this one continues Gertrude's story, leading us into a changed world. Look for the third in the series sometime early next year!

Meanwhile I have another book that's nearing completion. It's a very different story, inspired by the Sonoran desert where I now live. I don't want to  give it away, but I'll share here that the protagonist is a coyote who would like to be human. The pitfalls of this lead him down several hilarious, strange and dangerous paths. I'm hoping to have this one published in the fall, before the holiday season begins. 

If you've been reading my blog, Authorinprogress, you'll know that I've been struggling with marketing. This aspect of the business of writing  has been discouraging and exhausting for me. It's extremely hard (nearly impossible) to compete with the zillions of books in the marketplace and to find a way to target my readers. A friend mentioned the idea of press releases and ads in local newspapers and I plan to follow up with this when I bring out my new books. A few dollars spent for an advert in The Desert Leaf would at least get my name into the public eye. My books are in several bookstores here in Tucson, but if no one knows about them then the possibility of sales is nil! 

Despite these setbacks I continue to be fascinated with writing, unable to stop myself. The book that began my obsession, the fictionalized WW2 story of my father and mother's struggle to maintain a relationship amid war and myriad other obstacles, is on the back burner. With 400 pages written I have finally figured out a suitable ending. I have a beta reader here in Tucson, a woman whose opinions I respect, and every month we get together to go over the chapters. Once the other two are out, I'll have time to concentrate on this one. 

  

Thank you all for reading!

more of the same different day...

And so the createspace debacle continues. I would love to say that because I was so thorough with my editing, the book took less hassle and time to produce, but sadly that is not the case. They no longer do the 'interior changes form' and that is a good thing since it was meticulous and time-consuming in the extreme, but...I got the digital proof back with all sorts of weird formatting issues (numbers and letters where words should be)and dotted lines that didn't belong that I can't get rid of--things that were NOT in my original MS... I called them and of course it's on me to go through the entire book AGAIN and correct their mistakes. Deja-vu anyone? What is it with them?

I know what it is--they don't look at what they're doing. It is VERY annoying to pay a lot of $ and then have to clean up the mistakes they add. But on the good side I have been rewriting some rough spots--of course I could edit forever...

The other issue is that I've decided not to go with the cover they did for me, but when I asked if I could change it, they said no--only if I submit my own artwork...I guess what they meant was no unless you pay the original fee all over again. Well, on that note, I found Viola at-www.EstrellaCoverArt.com--and discovered a cover that I like a lot. And for a nominal fee I can have it altered to suit.  And so this all pushes the book release back again. But what does it matter? I'm in no rush and I mainly want it to be right.

So any suggestions for my next book? Has anyone had experience with Lightning Source? Or are they the same company; everything seems to be merging these days. Or maybe I should have it formatted myself...it probably wouldn't be any more difficult to do everything piecemeal. And it might cost less too. My main concern is getting it up on Amazon as POD as well as Kindle. Guess I have some research to do...

starting over...

So…starting over on Book two of Wolfmoon Trilogy. I thought I had accepted the less-than-perfect cover that was the much cheaper way to go but…

1.     It’s too dark

2.     The wolves look like cartoon images.

3.     Maeve looks more like the devil’s spawn than a red-haired innocent beauty.

4.     The tree does not look like a willow 

5.   Maeve is supposed to be emerging from the tree but instead she looks like a pin-up girl with weird legs.

6.     And on and on…

It all started with realizing that I had picked the wrong size and the wrong paper color in my original order. When working with Createspace, and I’m sure every other online publisher, you can’t assume they will notice that the last book you did is a different size. Nor will they suggest that you have the spine font the same for consistency. You are on your own to get things the way you want them.

They sent me the proof electronically at first and I went through it to find mistakes. This time most of the mistakes were formatting problems on their end. And so I called. Because of the size discrepancy with Book I, they told me they would have to re-format the manuscript, which meant re-submission. I decided at that point to do another edit of the manuscript before I uploaded it. And, of course, that led to adding some more details that I thought helped the book…does it never end? 

Right now I am still editing a book that I planned to have out by June 21^st!

Looks like end of August for this one. I just hope that they come up with a cover design I like. I paid a lot more money and sent in an elaborate description, pretty much pulled from the book since the cover is supposed to be a piece of art received by my protagonist, Maeve.  Patience is a virtue, or so I’ve been told—do I have any? Not much but since we are on the road the delay is easier to take.

Will I internalize the lessons learned from Book I and II when I go to publish Book III? Three’s the charm…(another overused cliché)

What I know so far...

I'm on the last mad dash to the finish line--Got the book back electronically on Tuesday and went through it, deciding not to peruse it with a  fine tooth comb this time since I couldn't afford any more changes! One word is missing from a sentence in my bio and who knows what else I will discover once I receive the proof...

The plan I chose for my book was the ' V2 Total Design Freedom' package and the V2 Unique Book Cover which cost me $758.00 So here is a short synopsis of do's and  don'ts I have discovered along the way:

1. You must have your manuscript well-edited BEFORE submission otherwise you will be paying extra. This includes all typos, missing periods, double quotation marks etc...
2. Look into EVERYTHING that needs to go into the book before submission. A link can be found on the Createspace website for front and back matter and what this entails. I didn't know about needing a Library of Congress number until the eleventh hour.
     A. Front matter for me included copyright page, acknowledgements, dedication, reviews, title page, lists of upcoming books. There doesn't seem to be any rule about how you arrange it all.
     B. Backmatter could be bio, first chapter of upcoming book, glossary, footnotes etc...
3. Know going in that they will NOT be reading in order to format or even checking to make sure your chapter headings are linear--(learned that one at the end of round two of editing)...And be aware that Createspace can also make mistakes in formatting.
4. With my plan I could get my own publishing name and icon on the spine of the book.
5. Createspace has various marketing tools to sell--I'm purchasing 500 postcards with my book cover and info...there are lots of options to choose from.
6. They are doing a Kindle version of my book which will go up on Amazon two weeks after the POD.

Over-all I've been very happy with the job they've done. The best part is being able to log in and then 'click' "call me" and have my phone ring a few seconds later! And they are always patient and helpful which I've heard from friends is NOT the case with some others who will remain unnamed.