Where's my muse??

Hi all--I used to get more readers before I moved my blog over to WIX--and so here I am, attempting to gain back all those readers I've lost due to the move! I hope you're still out there...💖

First of all, what do people want to read about? The marketing mistakes I make or the self-publishing mistakes I've made or my general all around ineptness when it comes to selling books...or...my current inability to write at all?

Okay--muse forsaking me it is. This is the first time I've had writers block. Since I've never had it before I'm not sure that's even the proper name for the malaise I feel every time I sit down at my computer! All I know is I can't muster up any enthusiasm for the several books I've begun, and when I try to think about them and where the story could lead, I get nothing. With one exception that is--the Summer McCloud paranormal mystery I began could go somewhere if I let it...for some reason I wanted to write something a bit more...well...serious. But if that's where my head's at then so be it! Two shelves of books on magic at the local bookstore have disappeared right under the nose of the bookstore owner. Who took them and why? Now that Summer and her hubby, Jerry, have a PI business it will be their job to find out...

Since I'm a pantser I'm as much in the dark about the trajectory of the story as you, the reader of this blog. My imagination usually carries the story forward, the characters taking over and showing me the way. Will that happen this time? It hasn't with the other three books I've begun--is the well just dry and needs replenishing or IS THIS IT? Funny that I recently did an interview and said unequivocally that I would never stop writing--maybe it was that one statement that did it--you know, like saying, I'll never drink another glass of wine, or eat another piece of cake--that sort of thing.  Whatever the reason, I don't like it and wish it would go away!

What do you do in a situation like this? Do you force yourself to write or do you wait until you feel like writing again? Do those of you who write to market experience writer's block? What if you have a deadline?

Would love to hear from you on the subject...thanks for reading!

Please visit my website:

www.nikkibroadwellauthor.com

NEW HOME!

My blog has moved!!! Please find me at: https://www.nikkibroadwellauthor.com/blog

And thanks for reading!!!

exorcising demons and other obstacles to writing

Publishing a book always leaves me fretting and feeling as though I'm going through postpartum depression. Sometimes it lasts only a few days, other times it takes weeks to get back to normal. On this latest one I've gone through psychic ups and downs like never before. Maybe because it's been so long in coming, or maybe it's because it isn't like my other books. For whatever reason it's been keeping me up nights.

Trusting myself and my process is hard. I suffer great angst despite my bravado in sending out enthusiastic e-mails promoting myself and touting my books. I tend to call myself names and beat myself up over whatever comes to mind, things I would never say to another person. These bouts of self hate are not helpful. Some people swear by critique groups. I've tried them in the past and found myself agonizing over tiny details and losing my ability to stay true to my own voice. I know they work for others, but not for me. I write in isolation because that's what works best. I share my work with a few trusted friends to let me know if I'm veering off course. I love writing and don't want to quit, but early this morning I considered it. Only because of DOUBT. Doubt is a killer and can come from the most innocuous comments or even from silence. Doubt has to be driven out. We as writers all have our own process, our own way of doing things. Writers are NOT created equal and just as certain foods agree with some and not others, how we go about writing is individual.

My suggestion is to hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself--who are supportive of you and what you do. When it comes to writing they are hard to find, so if and when you do find one, hang on tight! The entire process reminds me of dealing with my ex-husband. Yes, I should be over feeling nervous around him, but...in reality I'm still nervous, so why should I place myself in that kind of situation?  Reality bites.

I know--major ego problems, right? Do you have any idea how hard it is to expose yourself to the world? My book is like a piece of me that I am laying bare for the world to see. What if they don't like it? And of course, many don't. So feeling angst ridden and insecure is par for the course as far as I can tell--anyone who doesn't feel this way is either lying or they are writing stuff that means nothing to them.

Perfectionism kills creativity, is my motto. The more you strive to be perfect the more balled up in knots you become. Better to let it rip and fix it later. And what is this about putting a manuscript away for a year before publishing? Steven King, are you listening? I'm too old for this--I don't have the time to mess about! Isn't that what beta readers are for? And so in closing I say to all you aspiring and accomplished writers--keep on writing!!!

Next time: why money isn't important.

How to be HAPPY again

I think a lot of people have been going through what I've been going through. What I'm talking about  has nothing to do with whether you're a writer or not, this is a syndrome that has infected many, the symptoms manifesting as exhaustion, depression, hopelessness and anger. Here are my tips on how to be happy again, even though I haven't yet achieved that goal.

1. Turn off the news! whatever you do, don't watch it right before bed or first thing in the morning--it wreaks havoc on your mood.
2. Try yoga, Tai Chi--meditation--something that is calming and centering.
3. Focus on the little things that make you smile--the sound of birdsong, clouds, playing with or walking your dog.
4. Every time your mind strays to things you know you can't change, say an inner no and let the thought drift away.
5. Realize that this too shall pass.
6. Life is short--enjoy what you've got!
7. If you aren't a writer already, try writing--it helps to get emotions off your chest.
8. Identify those thoughts that make you happy and unhappy--give up the unhappy ones.
9. Cook good food, drink wine, look at the clouds passing by.
10. Give thanks for all you have.
11. Stand on your head.
12. If you are a writer, write! I've recently begun a book that takes place in a future time where the government has turned authoritarian. Instead of being considered the opiate of the masses, religion is mandatory, and people have to attend church or be jailed. Take your frustrations out in your writing--I guarantee it helps!
13. Take herbal remedies to help mood and sleep--Ashwaganda, gotu kola, rhodiola, siberian ginseng--look them up.
14. Don't deprive yourself!
15. Take a day long vacation, or a longer one if you can.

Excerpt and existential angst

My newest book, Faery,  is about to be launched--a steamy tale of Maeve and Harold of Wolfmoon fame. In this book they get into a lot of trouble messing about with the Fae. Here's a tiny taste:

I had taken a different route through a hardwood forest when I heard a flute or a person singing. I brought Pooka to a stop to listen.

“Are you looking for me?”

I jumped in the saddle, nearly tumbling off the horse. When I looked down a man was standing by Pooka’s head, his hand on the bridle.  A mist lay around him, his golden eyes nearly the same color as Pooka’s eyes. Shiny black hair hung straight to his shoulders. His intense stare gave me a shiver. “Are you Gan Ceanach?” I asked, fearing the worst.

He smiled and inclined his head. “At your service.”

He held my gaze, and when I tried to speak I couldn’t utter a word. Finally he grabbed my hand and helped me off the horse. He was shorter than I, his head barely reaching my chin, and yet he held a power that I couldn’t deny.  His features were even and perfect, his smile beguiling as only a faery’s smile could be.

“You need a rest and the baby needs to eat,” he said, pulling Airy out of her papoose and handing her to me.

I’d never been shy about feeding her in public, but for some reason I didn’t want to bare my breasts in front of this man. “She’s fine right now,” I told him, reaching into my bag with one hand to grab a hunk of cheese. But of course as soon as those words were out of my mouth she began to howl, her face scrunching up as though someone was pinching her. I turned my back to him and fumbled around with my clothing. When she was settled I covered her with a blanket and lowered myself to the ground.

He sat next to me. “I hoped to catch up with you—did you see me at the dolmen? I have a proposition.”

“What proposition? I’ve been told to stay away from you.”

He laughed, his golden eyes twinkling in the dusky light of the forest. “I need you to align with me.”

“Align myself for what?”

“To go against the ravens.”

“The ravens.” I thought of my experience at the canyon. “I thought something might be going on with them.” When I turned, he caught my gaze with his own. I felt the sexual energy he exuded just as I had at the dolmen.

“Yes,” he said, answering my unasked question. “I saw you there. I followed you.”

“What’s going on with the ravens?” I asked, noticing that they were perched in several of the trees.

 “Morrighan has imbued the ravens with her evil intents and I have resolved to stop her—with your help of course.” He smiled.

 “But why would Morrighan do this? She was happy to be finished with the war and with Brandubh. At the end she cursed him.”

He raised his eyebrows. “You do know that Morrighan is the goddess of war? She has an agenda that I have not yet discovered; possibly she’s bored.”

When the baby’s head lolled to one side he lifted her out of my arms and placed her gently on the moss. He leaned toward me and took my face in his hands. What had MacCuill warned--something about not letting him…but it was too late, his mouth was on mine and I melted against him as the kiss grew deeper. He tasted like summer rain. When one of his hands moved to my exposed breast, his touch sizzled against my skin, creating little waves of desire. I told myself to stop him, to say no, but I felt like a starving animal that had just been given food. When he removed my clothes I didn’t feel the chill air, nor did the momentary thought of Harold remain in my mind. I was wholly Gan Ceanach’s to do with as he pleased. 

The next thing I knew I was lying naked on a bower of some soft material that hadn’t been there before, his hands roaming across my body. At some point he’d removed his clothes and now I viewed his strong chest, the narrow hips. His body was compact compared to Harold’s, narrower and more angular, but the part of him that I focused on was not in keeping with the rest of him. When I gasped he let out a delighted laugh.

As his fingers and lips played across my over-heated skin I drifted into a world I’d never been before, my body weightless and clinging to his as though he was the only thing keeping me from floating away. He was corporeal and at the same time ethereal, like an angel who had only lately discovered gravity. He was inventive and very thorough, and when it was over I lay panting, barely able to catch my breath.  I gazed up at his handsome features, caught again by his golden eyes. “I thought I dreamed you.”

He smiled, one finger tracing lightly along my collarbone. “You did dream me the other night, but having you here like this is a much better experience for both of us.”

“I’m pledged to another. Harold and I have a baby.”

His eyes flashed dark. “All that is superfluous—silly conventions that mean nothing in the real scheme of things. You will remain with Harold but your heart is mine now.”

Steamy enough? Now to the existential angst: "Existential Angst is the relation to one being aware of the possibility that life lacks meaning, causing an extreme form of anxiety, and a feeling of despair or hopelessness." urban dictionary.
The only reason I am not feeling this is because of writing. Writing provides a way to dig into the psyche and to bring up the subjects and the emotions that plague us, run our lives, and drive us crazy. What about you? Are you feeling the angst or taking it to your fingertips and typing it out? 

KEEP ON WRITING!

and thanks for reading....

if you want to look at my website it is: www.nikkibroadwell.com

Life in the desert

This morning I saw three gorgeous coyotes in the scrub-filled field below my house. My dog saw them too and alerted me to their presence. I love having them here. This is what they look like: healthy with thick fur and bushy tails--like German shepherds.

What does this have to do with writing, you ask? Everything. Every single experience we have on this earth adds to our repertoire of inspiration. We write who we are and what we care about--unless, of course, we are writers who write to market. (Oh no, not that again!) I won't belabor the point since I don't begrudge anyone their need to make money in this saturated market. I thought I might be able to join this club, but sadly I am unable to do so. My main focus has always been, and will probably always be, exploring what I am passionate about. If this makes me money I am thrilled--if it doesn't, then so be it--fortunately I am not trying to make a living with my writing.

The books I've loved don't quite fit into any normal genres. "The Night Circus" for instance. Have you read it? It is one of my all time favorite books--ethereal and strange and full of magic. And in another category altogether: Shirley Hazard's "The Great Fire", another unusual telling of a war story that is both romantic and mystical. I wish I could write like either one of these authors. But reading them and enjoying their books will have to suffice. What books do you like? What books inspire you? Reading is the best way to become a better writer.

So watch the little things that happen during the day that inspire you. Write down the feelings that are produced by each experience. All of it is fodder--the anger, the laughter, the sadness--the frustration. And the beauty of being alive on this planet. If you want to impact your reader you have to delve deep.

Thanks for reading! And keep on writing!!!

New beginnings...

Ever feel like you've gotten off on a wrong track and a train is bearing down on you? Good, I haven't either. But I have felt the need to ground myself, to come back from whatever crazy world I've been inhabiting.

That does not apply to my writing, however. The worlds my characters move through could all be termed a bit crazy, or at least imaginative. The more I write the more I can delve into this separate and fascinating parallel universe where my mind takes me--or is it the goddess who takes me? If you are like me and let your fingers do the writing with very little thought to where you're going, you probably feel the same way I do--surprised, and sometimes amazed at what happens. Does it sometimes feel as though you're reading rather than writing? I never have much of an idea where I'm going, and if I try and interfere, the characters turn up their noses and take the story somewhere else. They play games with me, laughing when I spend time trying to sort out plot.

This is one approach to writing, one of many, and I have talked to authors who have their entire plot and story outlined before they begin. Even John Irving knows the ending before he starts his first chapter. If I had to write like that I would be miserable! I never know the ending, although I have a vague idea what I want it to be--but whether or not it turns out that way is entirely up to the whim of my characters.

So, whether you're a pantser or a plotter, keep on writing! Thanks for reading.

google craziness

I just spent nearly an hour trying to get into my blog--it is under an old e-mail account that doesn't
exist anymore, but when I TRY AND CHANGE IT THINGS GO TOTALLY AWRY!!!

Why is everything so damned difficult? And I LOVE it that there is no phone number listed ANYWHERE to call a human being in order to solve these damn problems that come up OVER AND OVER!

Okay, rant over, although my blood pressure is still too high...Back to blogging--isn't that why I'm here? Can't even remember what I'd planned to blog about!

Thinking...okay...marketing...is anyone using either Twitter Jukebox or Manage Flitter? I've been working with a marketer who has been setting up automatic tweets (twitter jukebox) that cost nothing and go out something like 5 times a day? They are in the form of picboxes with images of my books and either some little word teaser or just a wolf image to go along with The Wolf Moon trilogy...fun--wish I knew how to do them because I love this kind of stuff--would have to buy a program and learn it. Do I have the time or patience for this?

I just uploaded the 3rd book in my Summer McCloud paranormal murder mystery series (Black and White and Red all Over only .99) and the Createspace copy should be out in a day or two. I am also working on a book (Return of the Wolf) that fits in between The Wolf Moon and Bridge of Mist and Fog--it fills in some of the sixteen year time gap between the two and follows Maeve and Harold into....I would tell you the storyline but if you haven't read The Wolf Moon it would be a major spoiler alert!

Also beginning a book about a time-travelling witch...so, probably don't have the time to do the picboxes. On to manage flitter--it's a way to quickly follow a lot of people and hopefully many will follow back--I guess it's important...still undecided about Twitter since I've been tweeting my books and not getting many sales as a result. How about you? Does it help?

Keywords, a subject I've read about but have no patience for, has now been taken over by my marketing person, Chris OByrne. It is too early to tell, but I'm hoping my readers will find my books because of all the work Chris has done.

I highly recommend getting help in these areas--even if it costs it frees an author up to concentrate on
what they love, which is WRITING. I've noticed I have a less anxious demeanor since I hired Chris.

Thanks for reading!!!

Circe, goddess of magic

This morning the word Circe appeared in my mind. Circe? I knew she was a goddess but I had forgotten of what. And so I googled her and found out that she's the Greek goddess of magic. She was well known for her knowledge of potions and herbs. I wondered if it was a call for me to get finished with my cozy mystery and move back to writing fantasy because in fantasy I can let my imagination run wild. Not that I can't in the cozy, it's just that I have to actually plot out what's going to happen and who dun-it. I'm used to writing myself out of blind corners but in a mystery this is not possible. So now, on my desk, is a piece of paper covered with scribbles that detail who did what and when and who didn't.

I love writing about mythology or at least twining it through my stories, especially gods and goddesses. I have two more stories in progress and I'm sure that Circe would fit into one of them. Another thing about Circe is she transformed her enemies into animals--remember Homer's Odyssey? That idea is sooo tempting as a story line!

But might her name have appeared for another reason? That the game is on and magic is afoot? I do feel magic in the air these days--maybe due to the monsoons, maybe a change in the stars or maybe simply that I am writing again!!! Every afternoon for the last few days the sky darkens and thunder rumbles--the wind comes up and maybe there's lightning--and then it rains. The air is freshened and the temperature drops to somewhere reasonable.

Last night I dreamed I was in school. I have these dreams from time to time and mostly I'm trying to figure out where I'm supposed to be or haven't attended a class for the entire semester and now have to take a test. Last night I was utterly confused as usual and to top it off my cell phone was completely useless relaying some automated message that meant it couldn't function. What usually happens in these dreams is that I realize that I don't need to be in school anymore and I wake up. Last night this didn't happen and so I figured that maybe I need to learn something--possibly something big. Does this tie in with Circe and her magic? A phrase appeared in my mind just before I woke up: 'We are the world we live in.' Does this mean we create the world we live in? I think so because that's been a recurring theme in my consciousness lately. And yet when I go into the dark places I can't see any of this. Maybe with Circe as a reminder I can pull myself out sooner.

Thanks for reading!

mercury moving forward again!

buy here!

Got back from our trip and found that when I tried to write it flowed instead of sticking! Maybe there is something to this mercury retrograde thing after all! I'm working on my cozy mystery, a departure for me and very fun although it is a challenge to make it long enough. Not sure why this is but adding backstory to fill in the blanks.

Also my depression has lifted after a few weeks of feeling heavy and lackluster. And all this despite record heat here in Tucson! Well, maybe it isn't a record, maybe it's normal for this time of year. But I have not been able to take my daily walk due to being unable to get up at 5 a.m. which would be pushing it anyway since the sun comes up at 5:20. (it was 80 at 6 a.m.) I'm looking forward to the 21st when the days being to shorten again. But on the positive side I've gone to two yoga classes this week and am planning to turn on some music and do some aerobic dancing later today. Thank everything holy for A.C. Not sure how people managed before air conditioning, but then again was it this hot back then? Global warming, people!

As far as marketing goes I'm still in a major quandary. I've sold 2 copies of my new book so far, at least on kindle--I'm not sure what to do about this. More advertising on Facebook doesn't seem to work and so far I haven't wanted to spend oodles of money to promote a book that is on special for .99. I could give it away but I really don't want to do that anymore. At this point after eight books in the marketplace I may start looking for a publicist. With self-pubbed books flooding the marketplace everyone has to have some sort of an edge--mine is finding the right people, my peeps, to market to! But how? That's the question, isn't it? The adage 'if you want to sell more books write another' hasn't really done it for me. Am I in a tiny niche or do my books appeal to a wider audience? How would I know?

And so I'm on the move again, at least in the writing. As far as moving my body we'll just have to see how the dancing goes. At least I have yoga until this heat breaks or I get up earlier!

Thanks for reading!

postpartum depression

Okay, book is done and up on Amazon as a kindle as well as paperback. I've advertised in several Facebook pages and sent out my newsletter announcing the new arrival. Then why am I so depressed?

Here are a couple of reasons why I think I have the blues:
1. psychic exhaustion
2. no sales so far even from my friends and family
3. I am not writing

To elaborate a bit on these. Psychic exhaustion and physical exhaustion seem to always hit me pretty hard after the stress of getting a book out. My excitement is high as I put the finishing touches on it and have it formatted. Then the uploading to Createspace and kindle is another invigorating process that I love. But then comes the letdown. It is no longer available to work on. My friends, who I've been close to for several months, maybe years, have gone their own way leaving me bereft.

No sales. I don't know what I expect exactly. I guess I want whoever sees it and knows me to rush out and buy it! And maybe a few who don't know me and like the cover--because the cover is fab! This is a ridiculous expectation. But this is what is going on for me and I have to look at it closely. It's hard to let go of expectations, especially after putting heart and soul into a book, even if I know it's unrealistic. And so I check daily and become even more morose. I've thought about putting the kindle up for .99 or having a kindle countdown but for pity's sake--can no one pay a mere $2.99 for the book I just slaved over? I HAVE TO LET THIS ONE GO.

I'm not writing. This is the biggest issue for me. My days are now spent feeding the birds, walking and lying around reading or staring at the wall. (or napping) When I try to work on something I feel utterly uninspired. I know it takes time to replenish the well--believe me I've gone through this before--seven times in fact. But here I am again knowing that this is a normal reaction and yet fighting against it tooth and nail. Without writing I'm an empty shell. Not only does it fill my time, it gives me a purpose and a feeling of worth. When I'm working on a project I'm immersed in something bigger than myself, something that requires getting out of the way. The muse is in charge. And I tend to make friends with my characters and find them amusing and interesting. This is why the same characters continue appearing book after book. In Bridge of Mist and Fog the two protagonists are the children of characters in my former books. It's as though they continue on with their lives after I've written about them and I can tap in and see what they're up to.

So what is the solution to this? I suppose it's patience. And faith. Because along with all this there's the fear that I won't be able to do it again.

Multi-tasking?

Now I've got  three writing projects going at the same time...is this wise? I have no idea! Today I worked on all three which was quite weird, to tell you the truth. I suppose my only real worry is overlap--that the character in one will suddenly imprint on the character in another. (what if they're interchangeable?)But they are very different stories. One is the sequel to 'Just another Desert Sunset' called 'Desert Sunrise'. (shapeshifting coyotes) The second is a sequel to the Gypsy series, called 'Bridge of Mist and Fog',  and the protagonists are both seventeen years old. The third is what is known as a 'Cozy'-- a genre I knew nothing about until a day ago and one I'm enjoying! Fun to write and no pressure since they are usually very short books. The working title is 'Murder in Plain Sight', but it may change. Protagonist runs a Crystal and Herb shop...but I'm digressing...

I move from one to the other like someone bottling different wines--Sip a bit of this, sip a bit of that. This one needs more aging, that one may be ready. And the third? Well, it needs work. But what kind of work? I drink a little and slosh it around in my mouth. Not quite right. Now I have to decide what the 'not right' is. Do I need to blend it with something? Not with one of the others! NO!

And so the writing life continues to surprise me. I would love to get one project finished but not sure that is going to happen any time soon. Another new thing is the dyslexia I've recently developed--constantly having to go back and fix the mistakes I've made. I just went back in the previous sentence and corrected three turned around letters! It's frustrating and takes time.

I have two book signings coming up this month, at two different bookstores. Should be interesting since there will be several of us together. I will certainly be reporting back on how it all goes!

What's going on in your writing world?

Thanks for reading!

To plan or not to plan--(was this already a blog title?)

I have written about this issue before but every time I do I bring in another element that someone might find of use in their own process. I started two books recently and after fifteen pages I settled on one to work on. It was the easier of the two since most of the characters were already developed in previous books. No, this is not meant to be a sequel. In any case I ended up spending a lot of time planning out what I had in mind and where I wanted the story to go. Guess what happened?

Now, thirty pages in I'm bored. I'm hurrying to get to the part that I haven't planned with hopes that the story will take me on a magical mystical tour and not flatten out into something known. This little experiment has shown me why I cannot plan or plot.

And so I am working on the other story, the one I have no clue about. At the moment my main character is surprising me at every turn.

I know a lot of people plan and outline their novels. I am in awe of them. If I did that I wouldn't write. When I write I feel like I'm reading a book. The story unfolds in front of me in mysterious ways and NEVER goes in the direction I expect. At this point I'm thinking of starting the first book over at a point in the future beyond the planning stage. I can always add backstory if it's necessary. That way I won't know what's going to happen next! Because if I'm bored won't the reader be bored?

I would love to hear how all of you write...and what works and what doesn't. Please leave me a comment if you can--I've had several complaints that it's hard to do this! Not sure why.

Thanks for reading!!!

after...

The new year has come and gone, the holiday season has finally ended...then why can't I write? The reason you, me, anyone can't write at this point is that we have allowed circumstances to take over our creativity. We are simply out of practice. Sit down at the computer and begin--that's all it takes. Except...I've been hit with the worst depression in years! Still sorting through it but I know it is old stuff brought up by recent events and a powerful full moon. (Can you help me, Arianrhod?)

The adage about writing a certain amount of words a day really does work. It could be the worst gobbledegook ever but it keeps the creativity going, and invokes the muse even if she's just lurking in the background. I heard an interview today with an author whose name escapes me. He said he didn't start writing until he was 31, as though that was late to come into it. I hate to tell you how old I was. I find myself terrified from time to time contemplating a life without it!

Now is the time to start something--to begin the story you've been thinking about for months and months, maybe even years. You don't have to be so strict about your writing schedule that you end up sabotaging yourself--just set a general word goal and go from there. If you don't make it one day, start the next. Don't be hard on yourself. This is supposed to be fun, remember? Once it becomes a  chore it no longer serves.

I plan (notice I don't say 'I'm going to'...) to go to a writing group on the 15th of this month. I hope I do because I think being in a group of writers will stimulate me. And it is not a critique group, which gives the entire thing a bit more allure. I'll let you know how it goes.

Right now I have to begin writing again. I've started two stories, gone back and forth from first to third person, (settled on first) and know where I want it to go. Whether the characters agree is yet to be found out...

So sit down at your desk and get out pen and paper or open your Word file and BEGIN!

I'm taking my own advice. Happy creating everyone!!!

Winter Solstice and a new attitude

Tonight we celebrate the return of the sun with a fire in our firepit and a libation to honor the gods and goddesses and the earth from which we come and to which we will return. The days will be growing longer for now on--it seems almost too quick! 

Yesterday my book signing went well--I met and spoke with interesting people and sold some books! I'm going to try and do more of these in 2015 along with having a more positive attitude. I will visualize my books with wings and I won't check constantly to see how many I've sold. What I realized yesterday was that selling is not why I write. I've said this before but it's coming around again. I want people to READ my books--the money is not important when it really comes down to it. And to give a bit of advice here, I think it's important for all of us as writers to know why we are doing what we're doing. Once we figure that out we can let go of what doesn't fit for us. In other words don't let yourself get caught up in a marketing frenzy when what you really want to be doing is writing! I know, I know, marketing is important and part of our job as indies, but we need to decide when to write and when to market. And we can attempt to think outside the box. If everyone is doing one thing, think of something else to do--something off the wall like plastering your car with an image of one of your book covers. ( I saw this done and it was pretty cool). 

I've spent a lot of money this year on all sorts of PR, telling myself that you have to spend money to make money. Well, I'm not so sure anymore. I've had ads in the local newspaper for several months and have not noticed a pick-up in sales. And no one came to my signing who had either read my newsletter or noticed the ad.  I'll continue for a few more months and see how it goes. 

But here I go talking about selling again...

I'lll be joining a writing group in mid-January--instead of being a critique group it is more of a support group for writers, which sounds good to me. I'm not generally a joiner but this one sounds different. We'll see. (always leave a way out is my motto)

I guess this is as close to New Year's resolutions as I'll get--I've never been one to do those since to me it's just a set-up for failure...Instead I like to form vague notions about how I want things to change--nebulous and ethereal--the way I write and the way I live. You won't find me with a list of do's and don'ts on my wall! 

How do you deal with these sorts of issues? Do you write out lists or do you leave it to chance? Do you make New Year's resolutions?

Thank you for reading and have a very Happy New Year!!!

of shoes and ships and sealing wax...

Did you know that there is a Norse mythological ship named Skidbladnir? She could be folded up and put into a pocket and belonged to the god Freyr. Why do I mention this? Well, for one thing she figures prominently in my new book Gypsy's Secret, but also because this sort of stuff fascinates me.

I've heard authors say that the reason they write is because they like to make stuff up--I feel the same way and also LOVE it when I can find some tidbit like this to use in one of my books! This 'historical data' infuses the narrative with something bigger than my own imagination.

 I've allowed myself to become very negative recently about the 'real' world and because of this I can't sleep and feel like I'm coming down with something. I can't completely ignore it l but I can certainly bring the positive and playful into my life. And then just maybe the curtain will lift and show me the world that has been hidden for a few weeks.

Something is lurking at the back of my mind but to get at it a medieval rock wall needs to be scaled. And it's tall with very few footholds. On the other side is a grassy field that leads into a valley and at the very bottom is a river which I may have to cross. And it's rushing at this time of year. There may or may not be a dragon to carry me over the river but he lives on the other side of the wall and might possibly be unfriendly. But I have the muse the call on in times like this and call I will!

Will it be the unicorn who comes to my aid? symbolizing magic and breaking free. Or will it be Arianrhod, the moon goddess who I'm well acquainted with from the very first book I wrote? Or possibly a new one, Nematona, Celtic goddess of sacred spaces will appear to guide me over the wall.

Getting imprisoned in the physical world  is so easy if one doesn't take care and getting free again may take some time, but at least I can see the bars now. Soon they will be gone.

for your eyes only

How do we draw people to our blogs, or to any of our writing, for that matter? I've tried over the years to pick things of interest to other authors starting with interviews with self-pubbed authors and ending with my own unfolding process. I hoped to help others avoid the pitfalls I've gone through. I don't know if something has changed in the internet world but any comments on my blog have been dwindling down to, well...nothing. Maybe it has to do with not enough time in a day to go on several FB groups, Goodreads and Twitter as well as write. ( and there are so many other places to waste time on the internet!)

Is there so much out there now that people don't have time to read blogs? Or possibly my audience knows everything I've been sharing and is thus bored with what I have to say. Or maybe I just don't know how many people are actually reading it! I've noticed that I don't read as many blogs as I once did. When I first started this one I read a ton of them every day and made sure to leave a comment on each one. Now I read no more than 3 or 4--

With Instagram, something I know NOTHING about, things seem to be speeding up even more. I can't go that fast nor do I want to. I use adverbs and adjectives when I write, anathema in this current time of pared down writing. I feel that adverbs can be necessary to convey meaning. For instance 'he folded his jacket and placed it on the back seat' versus, 'he folded his jacket carefully and placed it on the back seat'--I grew up in a slower world. I agree with many of the new rules and try my best to not go overboard with descriptives, but if we have none it's like building a utilitarian bridge--the writing has no grace. I never did like Hemingway's writing style.

How did I get on this subject? I'm not really sure--maybe it's my ongoing search for my tribe. I know they're out there but how do I find them? I sincerely believe I am not alone.

despondency and disillusionment

Writing is a lonely endeavor. What I said in my last post is true--we cannot control or know how our writing will be perceived or even if anyone will read our books. This can be very disturbing depending on our mental state at the time and can stop us in our tracks.

If we are constantly checking on our ratings, our reviews, how many books have been purchased or downloaded, we forget why we're writing in the first place. Facebook and Twitter can pull us into it as other authors tweet their 5 star reviews or talk about their successes. I don't begrudge them their success but if I begin to compare myself I can get into a seriously bad mood.

In my yoga class on Sunday the teacher talked about expectations and how they can take us out of the moment and drive us nearly mad. The only thing in our lives we really have control over is our thoughts and our speech, which includes writing. If we think we should sell 20 books on Sunday and we sell none our spirits go down, especially if we've taken steps to make this happen. Why didn't it do better? What's wrong with it? Why doesn't anyone like my writing?? Thinking positive thoughts is not the same as expectations. We set our books free and then visualize someone picking them up and enjoying them--an entirely different approach. Being attached to the outcome is the problem.

On the way home from that yoga class I began to think of my books as children who have grown up and gone out on their own. As a mother I want to remove any obstacles that might get in their way but ultimately they have their own karma now.

Of course that doesn't mean we ignore them. Just as we pay attention to our children, we have to look out for our books. We have to tell people about them as best we can without spending hours each day promoting or boring the heck out of our friends. Each author has to find his or her own tribe. And sometimes this takes a while.

I recently listed one of my books on Story Cartel, a site that brings readers and authors together. The main gist of it is to get people to pay Story Cartel to list his or her books for free in return for an honest review. And the cost is not insignificant. Are reviews really that important? Now that I've uploaded my book and paid them I'll have to wait and see.

All of us experience disillusionment from time to time. The trick is to pull out of it before it takes over. When my husband responded to my complaining by saying, "Well, you could just write and not publish",  I looked at him aghast. "No way!" I write because I love to write but I also write because I want my writing to be out in the world. And that psychological piece of it is a subject for another blog.

Thanks for reading and I would love to hear your comments on the subject.

the inner critic and what to do about it

We all have an inner critic who whispers in our ear from time to time. But how much criticism do we need to listen to? What is too much and what is not enough?

When I'm writing I try to let go of the critic, at least while I'm working on new material. It's not helpful to the creative process to be constantly second guessing and going over every little detail the moment the words are down on the paper. This stymies and clogs our progress more than anything else.

Think of an idea as a tiny seedling that needs to be nurtured to have it sprout. To yank it out of the ground before it has even formed a diploid is just plain cruel! At least give it water and sunlight and let it grow. See what it turns into. It may be a weed but then again it may be an unexpected exotic flower. Give it the time it needs.

If you have trouble with this watch for these little destructive sentences that form in your mind--this sucks, I can't write, I'll never be able to write, why did I start this? who am I to think someone would like what I write? Why am I sitting here wasting my time? No one will ever read this, ____ can really write, why can't I write like him?...and so on and so on...

For one thing the writing isn't about others, it's about you. Unless we're writing formula we can't know that anyone will like what we've chosen to write about. First and foremost you have to please yourself. Write what you love to write about. Forget the adage to write what you know--to me that's boring. I would much rather explore a topic that I'm interested in even if I know nothing about it. The research is half the fun! Tell your inner critic to take a hike while you're writing. Light a candle and call on your muse.

Save the inner critic for the editing part of the process. Once you've got the words down and you feel like the story has progressed to the point where you can go back and take a look at it without crumpling it up and throwing it away, that's the moment to redo a sentence here and there, to add more clarity or to expand on a topic. If you do it too soon you'll block that seedling from growing, cutting off the supply of water and sun it needs to blossom.

And do not under any circumstances give your work to someone to read before you know where you're going! That is unless you trust this person with your life! We are all our own worst critics. Once the work has grown sufficiently you can cut it back, take branches off, weed it, shaping it into your own creation.

Once the pruning is done you can you hand it off to a reader or an editor and be able to take in what they have to say. But even then you have to keep hold of your original intention. No one else has the right to hack away branches that you think add to the beauty of the plant.

Listen to what others say and take their advice or not. The main thing with editing is to make sure the narrative reads smoothly and isn't confusing and that the grammar and spelling errors have been corrected. How you want the plant to look is ultimately up to you and you alone.

Hooks and other things to consider

I'm not even sure where I read this, but the advice was to keep the reader turning pages by ending every chapter with a hook--what will happen next?

This can be done several ways--by someone running for their lives or by simply ending the chapter with a question. Will she make it to the town in time to stop the insurrection? We don't know and so we turn the page.

I find myself doing this automatically now, and many times I'll come up with a sentence that seems like the end of a chapter when in reality the chapter is too short and needs to go on.

How about the hook at the beginning? The adage of 'start your story with a major hook and then keep the suspense building' is a good one. But at some point we need to hear the backstory, or the narrative has no depth. Who is this woman who's running from the law? Why does she keep doing stupid things?  What in her background would account for this? Don't do an info dump, just weave it in when you need to slow down the action.

One of the things I've discovered is that when the narrative moves too quickly, it's as though we don't have time to take a breath. As a writer, breathe in and relax a moment, bringing the reader into the present, and then get in touch with what the main character is feeling. Take a short hiatus and then you can heighten the tension again. It's like mixing staccato sentences in with longer ones--they all have their place but if you overdo one or the other it makes for a less engaging story. It's like a symphony in which the music changes from fast-paced, to slow and steady.

But first and foremost be interested in what you're writing. Be there in the scene, visualize the booming cannon as it kicks backward, emitting a plume of smoke, hear what it does to your eardrums, see the sparks and the smoke from the explosion, smell the cordite. This is where you hook your reader because you've brought them directly into the action.

The more engaged you are the better it will be.

Thanks for reading and comments are most appreciated!